


The Case of the Shady Matesprit

by Fox_Salz



Series: Jane and Nepeta Detective Agency AU [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human/Troll Society (Homestuck), Detective AU, F/F, POV Second Person, Pre-Relationship, Private Investigators, background jade kanaya blackrom feelings, background jade/tavros pale feelings, mostly just Jane and Nepeta
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-15
Updated: 2019-01-15
Packaged: 2019-10-10 11:14:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17424821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fox_Salz/pseuds/Fox_Salz
Summary: Jane and Nepeta have a case that really wasn't as simple as they thought it'd be.





	The Case of the Shady Matesprit

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be a quick fill for a challenge on a server and now I have far too many involved ideas for it lol. The challenge was to use: eagle, truth, cradle for a wlw rare pair.
> 
> Karkat's pale cafe is definitely Elendraug's idea that I just clung to lol.

“I could take an eagle,” you hear Nepeta say, and your first reaction is confusion, followed very closely by an image of her doing such and the thought _oh hot_.

 

Out loud you ask her, “Whatever brought this on?”

 

Nepeta turns away from the window she’d been gazing out of and grins at you.

 

“Just mewsing.”

 

Oh her cat puns are endearing. However you don’t have time for this now, you’re on a case! A simple, seemingly straightforward one, sure, but after five years of having this little detective agency you’ve learned not to judge a book by its cover.

 

For instance, Nepeta. On first glance she seems very sweet and innocent, and quite frankly adorable. The same day you hired her on she punched out an indigo blood more than twice her height and girth. The woman had tried to slip her contact info into Nepeta’s jacket when she was being arrested. (You didn’t blame her.)

 

So you know that the truth isn’t all what it seems at first.

 

This one is a quadrant case. A troll suspects his human matesprit has a red affair going on with another human. You feel for the guy. Interspecies relationships have so many hurdles. It doesn’t help that your client is an important troll—right hand to the current empress herself. As such you need to resolve this in a quick and efficient manner. He’s paying you extra to make sure that if he’s right it doesn’t get out. Of course, you would do your best even if he was just some regular troll, but you won’t say no to a little extra. You’ve got bills to pay, after all. Being a self employed gumshoe isn’t cheap!

 

“Alright, Nepeta, let’s get a move on. Infidelity won’t wait for us.”

 

Nepeta nods and follows you out the door of your little agency. Your client gave you her schedule and right now she should be leaving her apartment to supposedly run errands. So you and your partner head downtown where she lives, parking across her building. You get there just a few minutes before the suspect steps out and gets into her own vehicle.

 

She drives off and of course you follow as Nepeta puts on some low mood music. It’s the soundtrack to one of your favorite old noir movies; it always manages to get your PI blood churning.

 

You compliment Nepeta on her exquisite tastes and she flashes you a grin that, were you a teenager in some silly sitcom, would send you swerving off the road from how it dazzles. Oh you are far too bi to function.

 

The woman only goes a few blocks over to another apartment building where a man is outside waiting. Nepeta quickly snaps a photo of him as he snuffs out his cigarette before getting into the car. He has an impressive full beard that makes him look like an alt rock banjo player.

 

“Hm. Nepeta message our client, will you, and see if his matesprit was supposed to meet someone today.”

 

They sit there together for a few minutes, talking. There’s no lip contact, but they do exchange cheek kisses. Easily nothing more than a friendly gesture.

 

“Mr. Ampurra says he wasn’t aware of his matesprit meeting up with anyone, and he doesn’t know who this could be.”

 

You and Nepeta change seats as discreetly as possible without getting out of the car. Which sounds difficult, and it used to be, but you’ve been doing this long enough and Nepeta is very flexible.

 

You try not to think about that too much.

 

With Nepeta as the driver—she’s come a long way since you first taught her how; no more wild swerving—you follow the other car as it starts up and drives off. This is a farther destination, one you’re actually familiar with. And very surprised to see.

 

The Palehouse Cafe is a quaint little joint that’s actually gotten quite popular recently. It’s one of those pale cafes that offers several services. Moirails can come and be salaciously pale in a public setting, or order special rooms either for them to get their piling on alone or with a hired staff member. Staff can also be hired for one on one pale sessions.

 

You’ve never personally been serviced there—they do have human clientele—but you’ve met the owner. He’s a close friend of Nepeta’s and in fact how you and Nepeta met. Your cousin works here, one of the first humans hired on. You picked her up from work once and Nepeta was there handing out schedules to everyone for the next week. Somehow you got to talking and hit it off well. A few days later you hired her on. She still helps out with matching clients to servers, both wanting to keep helping her friends and unwilling to give up a job she adores.

 

You wait a few minutes before following the pair inside, holding the door open for Nepeta. She giggles and slides up beside you, adjusting one of the straps of your suspenders. Your heart flutters and cheeks warm up. You tell your body to cool it; this is all just a front, you know this! The two of you are acting a part to blend in as you spy on your marks. It’s not uncommon for a troll to bring their human moirail to one of these places to give them a Shoosh-pap crash course.

 

“Oh, welcome!” A pretty jade blood greets. Kanaya Maryam. “Karkat didn’t tell me to expect you until Thursday, Nepeta. And I’m sorry, Ms. Crocker, but Jade isn’t working today.”

 

“Perfectly alright, Ms. Maryam. We’re actually here on business. Would you mind seating us where we can get a good view of the human couple that just came in here?”

 

“Right this way.”

 

She sits you at the perfect table—not so close it’s obvious, but not too far away so you can still see all their little movements. Kanaya leaves you with the menus and says to let her know if you need anything. Also she comments how nice it would be if there was no criminal catching roughhousing shenanigans in the cafe, hinting at how Nepeta and you may have gotten into some wild altercations in your PI careers.

 

There are many people, trolls and humans alike, who say humans can’t feel caliginous romance but your frustration with Maryam says otherwise. You want to kiss her lipstick right off then slam a pie into her face.

 

Nepeta grabs one of the menus and you take the other, not even paying attention to it as you sneak glances over at the reason you’re here. Your client’s matesprit is pointing at something in the menu listing pale services and giggling.

 

“What do you think?” Nepeta whispers, leaning forward and pretending to show you the drinks. “I’m not getting red vibes from them.”

 

“Me neither.”

 

“Purrhaps they’re curious about moirallegiance, or that human queerplatonic relationship.“

 

“If that’s the case Ampora will be incredibly relieved.”

 

Beard lifts his head to glance in your direction and you quickly focus on Nepeta, acting like you’re whispering something romantic in her ear when in reality you say, “They’re looking.”

 

Nepeta ducks her head with a giggle that’s like lovely little chimes. She gazes up into your eyes and takes your hand, brushing a thumb over your knuckles. Damn she can play her role well. You can’t tear your eyes off her.

 

Well, you generally have to force yourself not to hyper focus on Nepeta, but that’s not the point. You should have better control right now.

 

But she’s so precious, and you don’t.

 

“You’re so purretty,” Nepeta compliments and you wonder if she can hear how hard your heart is beating.

 

You lean in obscenely close, mouth close enough to graze the corner of hers, and say, “No reason to lay it on so thick, dear. They can’t hear us from here.”

 

“Silly, I mean it! You’re incredibly pretty, Jane.” She looks into your eyes for a moment and you think maybe you’ve forgotten how to breathe properly. “One of these nights we need to sit down and you have to let me match you up! I bet I could find you the purrfect matesprit. Unless you already have someone in mind?”

 

Ah there it is, the best signal to change the subject because no. Well, yes you have someone in mind, but no you aren’t telling her.

 

It’s sort of funny, isn’t it? You’ve risked your life before in this career, gotten wrapped up in shady dealings, but you can’t even tell your _business_ partner you’d like to be a _different sort_ of partners. Easier to chase villains than get the girl.

 

You cast your gaze around the cafe, trying to compose yourself. Focus on something else and shove your feelings back down where they belong—hidden and never spoken aloud.

 

There’s Maryam at another table, running her hand up a patron’s arm and motioning them back for their appointment. Tavros, another server, is going around with a platter of drinks. In a corner is Gamzee, dozing away in a beanbag the same shade as his blood. A few other patrons are in this front area, and undoubtedly more in the back.

 

You’re curious what this pair you’re tailing are here for. If this is an affair it’s rather risky to come here; Mr. Ampora frequents the establishment, and in fact is how he found out about you after having a session with your cousin. Not to mention it’s a strange place for a red tryst.

 

Hm. The wheels are turning in your noggin. If you could hear what they’re saying then hopefully this would all be cleared right up. How to do that is the question, and you have an answer. Motioning Tavros over, you take out a discreet little listening device.

 

“Oh, hello, uh, Jane. Nepeta. This is a surprise.”

 

Tavros is a cute little guy. Little is the wrong word—boy’s got some muscle. He’s stocky, but any intimidation he may exude is all an accident. He’s a real sweetheart when he’s not being an absolute sass monster, and even that’s enjoyable for you. A lot of people don’t even realize when he’s being passive aggressive because of his stammer. He’s one of those trolls with a natural pitifulness about him that has really made him popular in the cafe.

 

“Good afternoon, Tav. Question. Are any of the drinks you have there for those two humans?”

 

“Yes, actually.” He lowers the tray and points out a couple of mugs. “Um, why? Are you two doing your detective thing?”

 

“Bingo,” you and Nepeta confirm together.

 

“Astute observation, Tavros. Now, if you don’t mind, I need you to do me a little favor.” You reveal the listening device and pick up one of the mugs, securing it at the bottom. Hardly noticeable. “Make sure this gets to that table. Thank you, Tavros.”

 

“Oh, neat. It’s like I’m, uh, helping with your case.”

 

“You’re an integral part.”

 

He gives a bright smile which you can’t help but return. As he leaves Nepeta smiles too, a different sort of smile than yours—much coyer, leaning forward on her elbows and placing her chin on her interlaced hands. Meanwhile you set the other end of the listening device—the hearing device, technically—into your ear, quirking a brow at her.

 

“Tafuros is cute, isn’t he?” she comments.

 

“I certainly can’t deny that.”

 

“His diamond is open, for the record. As is yours.”

 

“Oh, now I see what this is.” You roll your eyes with a smile.

 

“Come on, Jane, you’ve gotta talk quadrants with me sometime.”

 

“Humans don’t have quadrants, remember?”

 

Nepeta waves that off insisting, “Quadrants are a social construct, just like human relationships. If you want them you can have them.”

 

You’re saved from having to reply by voices in your ear. They thank Tavros, then there’s nothing for a few seconds until he’s out of earshot. Then Beard leans in.

 

“Alright, Cath, now tell me why we’re doing this today?”

 

“We still need Eridan. At least for right now.”

 

“You keep saying that but he hasn’t been that helpful so far. Tighter lipped than a shark. And he’s smart enough to keep anything important locked up and encrypted.”

 

“Sure, but he _trusts_ me.”

 

“God, Cath, don’t tell me you’re actually starting to care for the guy.”

 

“Don’t be ridiculous. I’m just trying to be practical. Unless you want to ruin our only current avenue for real information.”

 

Well this doesn’t sound good at all. Things definitely aren’t on the up and up. Seems like Mr. Ampora is being used by his matesprit. Not an uncommon scenario in and of itself, but it’s sounding like there’s more here than some sort of gold digger.

 

And none of this explains what they’re doing here.

 

Their conversation peters out. You relay what you’ve heard to Nepeta who’s just as clueless as you, but more upset. She takes relationships seriously and that someone would use anyone else like this disgusts and disheartens her. You’re struck with the desire to sweep her in your arms and comfort her.

 

Even if you could bring yourself to do that this isn’t the time. The pair are suddenly getting up, Cath heading up to the counter to pay. Nepeta’s eyes follow her while yours flick back over to their table. Beard is focused on his companion. When he sees she’s paid he looks down at his phone and touches the screen. Then he pockets it and heads for the door, Cath going straight for him. They leave behind a jacket.

 

Through the windows you see them going at a brisk pace to their car. Nepeta stays on the lookout while you check the jacket out. What you’re hoping for is some identification but what you get is—

 

“We need to evacuate right this instant.”

 

Nepeta glances over, and when she sees the bomb in your hands she jumps into action, calling out for Tavros and Kanaya to get everyone out of there. She helps with the evacuation while you call your contact on the troll force.

 

“Pyrope, I hope I’m not interrupting anything important but I’m at Karkat’s cafe and there is a bomb ticking down. Four minutes.”

 

“I’ll be there in three. You know how to make an afternoon interesting, Starflower.”

 

You hang up and put the bomb gently on the table. Then you snatch up that jacket and help usher out the last people inside. By the time you two end up outside Terezi, true to her word, is already there. Sirens blast in the distance getting closer. Terezi has directed everyone a good distance back. You and Nepeta go up to her.

 

“Speedy as always,” Nepeta greets. Terezi shrugs.

 

“I was nearby. How much time—“

 

Her answer is an explosion that rocks you. On instinct you reach out for Nepeta and cradle her to your chest. Which isn’t easy since she’s a foot taller than you. You clench your eyes shut as a cloud of smoke and debris fill the parking lot. When you open them again your ears are ringing and your heart rate is through the roof.

 

You glance around. The police, firefighters, and ambulances have arrived. Everyone seems unhurt physically. Relief fills you.

 

Poor Karkat, though. You see him at the edge of the parking lot, mouth agape and tears in his eyes. He got here just in time to see his cafe explode. Glancing back at the building you see it hasn’t been fully damaged. Part of it is still standing. That’s something, at least.

 

“What a shame,” you comment.

 

Nepeta makes a strangled sound and you see that her eyes are wet, too. She’d helped Karkat set this place up, after all. Slowly you rub her back.

 

“If you hadn’t been here all these people would be dead or severely injured,” Terezi points out.

 

“We’re only here because Ampora wanted us to tail his matesprit.”

 

That makes Terezi grin. “Eridan’s insecurities saved lives. Don’t point it out to him or it’ll go to his head. Now, tell me everything.”

 

You do. Her grin quickly disappears. She takes the jacket carefully and bags it up, hoping to test it for fingerprints. A long shot but you don’t have much else to go on. You text her the photo taken earlier and the addresses. Hopefully they can be intercepted.

 

You’ll have to call Ampora and ruin his day. First you look back at the ruined cafe. You have a distinct feeling this isn’t the last of it, and you let itching to get to the bottom of whatever’s going on.

**Author's Note:**

> Do you know that while writing this I just suddenly was struck with "Jane and Kanaya black is a great idea" and "Jane/Tav pale, why not". No idea where either of those came from.


End file.
